A little spark shining at the bottom of a look, a tender gesture, a "I love you" whispered in the ear ... These little marks of love that make us vibrate at the beginning of a relationship are often more rare over time. Yet, it is not reserved for young lovers. On the contrary. In a couple, nothing is ever acquired and it is in everyday life that we must maintain the flame. The advice of Sylvie Tenenbaum, psychotherapist.
(Re) seduce the other
In the street, they hold hands with tenderness, embrace each other passionately, look at each other languidly. How painful it can be to watch these couples who are at the beginning of their story! All of us have experienced these exhilarating moments when a simple gesture, a simple detail, make our heart in turmoil. But over time, the other became familiar and small sparks gradually disappeared. We have become less curious, less eager, of the person who now lives by our side. To the point that sometimes you end up neglecting the attention you need. "Often, a woman says to her partner, 'Tell me you love me.'" Response: 'We live together, So it's good that I love you, "says Sylvie Tenenbaum, a psychotherapist, but nothing is ever gained.The couple is like a renewable lease every morning, it takes a little happiness a day. The compliments, sweet words, declarations, surprises, all these gestures of affection, of attention, are therefore fundamental, even after years of relationship. "These are the affective foods, the Duracell batteries of the couple, explains the psychotherapist. love bondage is a green plant, it needs care, otherwise it fades. " It is therefore necessary to be constantly vigilant towards the other. Always try to (seduce) him. Never let yourself be won over by indifference.
We often tend to express our expectations, our frustrations, our criticisms, to our partner. "We say what is wrong, but we forget to say what is going well," says Sylvie Tenenbaum. "But it is also important to show him that we are happy to be with him, to love him, to admire him". For that, there are a thousand and one ways, a thousand and one words, gestures, to testify to him. And only one rule to respect: "to respect the spontaneous impulse of the heart." "To say I love you is not to say" pass me the salt. "This is not a word to sell either. what does it mean? "
Finding yourself in a relationship
If a couple's relationship feeds on these signs of attention and affection on a daily basis, it also requires time and availability. But not always easy to arrange moments for the couple, between work, children, friends, daily worries, fatigue ... "We are short of time, we do everything in speed, we only see each other on weekends -end, and again.The couple is a living entity, it evolves. In order not to forget this energy, we need cuts, breaths where we are totally available to ourselves and to others. If not, how do you know where it is? It takes time to talk to each other. "The good tempo for Sylvie Tenenbaum: organize a weekend to two every three months," every season. "
And daily also, we can create opportunities to All of them are not necessarily played in the evenings or on the weekends Some couples like to have a coffee together after dropping the children at school, others meet for lunch or a drink In the evening before going in. To start, we can set up, every week, meetings of couple. It's very romantic, an appointment, enthuses Sylvie Tenenbaum. It's better to schedule it than to be waiting for something that will not happen. Afterwards, we can invite the spontaneity and mood of the moment. "