We, as parents, have a major role to play in the revisions and preparation of our children for exams (patent, bac, competition ...). Simply because we live together. It's up to us to find the right attitude to be the best coach possible, and soothe their fears rather than stir them up.
"We pass the ferry". This formula, Christine Henniqueau-Mary, psychopedagogue, has heard it many times. It says a lot about how we, parents, live the exam periods of our teens. "Indeed, the analyst analyzes, the parents have the impression of being one with their child, even if they do not want it or do not know how to do it. " Result? We apprehend the trials with anxiety. Just the opposite of what our children expect of us. "Parents must keep in mind that they are not the candidates, advises Christine Henniqueau-Mary. They can adapt their behavior to the situation, advise and avoid falling in the main pitfalls, and that's already a lot! " How to help our teens without crunching or stressing them? Here are 10 tips to put into practice.
Dealing with your child's stress
Spending a baccalaureate or patent can be stressful for a teenager. Parents must be understanding, but not encourage this stress, at the risk of seeing their child drown in it, as helpless spectators. "The first thing I advise parents to do, says the educational psychologist, is to tell their teenager: "I know it's a really bad time and I understand you're living it hard, but your parents and your family do not have to be the punching bag of your emotions. , no good for us. ""
Tip # 1: Do not encourage the stress of your child by setting limits: he is anxious, it is normal, but it should not turn against us.
Being calm, but firm
The anxiety of parents is sometimes unavoidable. But expressing it can have very bad effects on your child. First, because it can increase one's own fears. Second, because it can be a source of tension. "Parents should be as calm as possible to give their child confidence, which is like saying," You're going to do everything you can. trust it, and I'll help you there. ""
Tip # 2: Not expressing your own stress requires changing your overall attitude. It is not a question of being calm in his words, and completely anxious at other levels of communication.
Avoid playing down the exam
"This is a banal exam, everyone passes it, 80% succeed" ... are all arguments used by parents to reassure their child.But in reality they have little weight. "Teenagers are at that moment in a sort of emotional autism, they are aware that what they are living, thousands of others are living it too, but that has no effect on them, so avoid this kind of cliche, says Christine Henniqueau-Mary. "
Tip # 3: No matter how difficult the exam is (BEP, Bac , entrance exam to Political Science ...) always keep in mind that it is important for your child and not neglect it.
To propose to set small objectives
To make programs, schedules of revisions, it is the preferred method of the students. But most of the time, they extend too long, are too rich and inevitably become indigestible. To say that they have completed the entire history program in 15 days is too vast. It seems to them inaccessible, and therefore, scary. "They must learn to set themselves small goals:" Today, I have such niche to work, I'm going to do that. "It's the little steps policy, which allows the child to project in the near future, and tonight he can say, "I did that" and list what was done, rather than what remains to be done. "
Tip # 4: Better to see the glass half full rather than half empty, it creates positive thinking.
Talk to him about the detrimental effects of anticipation
It is the anticipation, the projecting on the eve of the exam or the D-day, that produces the fears. When the candidate imagines the event (to find his place, to receive his instructions ...), his face breaks down. "To anticipate, explains the psychopedagogue, it is to project oneself in a future which seems insurmountable to us today. you can tell them "It's normal for you to be anxious to imagine that, since you're not ready yet." "
Tip # 5: Anticipation is only positive when it's It is to imagine to be successful in a test. To say to myself "This chapter, I understood it correctly, if it falls, I'm going to get there" adds a positive emotional dimension to what we have just worked on.