Is the child who is said to be difficult still a child in pain?
Claude Halmos : Always. That he has difficulties because he has a heavy story that weighs on him, or, what we see more often, just because the educational rules (and they exist!) Are not known to parents, are not understood, and therefore are not imposed. Many families walk on their heads just because no one is in the right place, parents and children. Initially, the child is a little wild, neither more nor less. It's normal, it's its operation. If he wants to type, he types. This is the pleasure principle. He does what he wants, when he wants. He is the king of the world, he is all-powerful. Only education can get it out of this. If the child is fetishized, and thinks he has all the rights, it's unbearable and destructive for him. It is therefore necessary to lay down the rules and to explain them, because otherwise, the child risks thinking that it is only a balance of power with his parents. And then you have to impose them. I understand that it can be hard to do. To us, psys, to help parents who do not fare. But there are always solutions.
Parents may sometimes feel they have authority, but they can not be heard, can not be heard ...
Claude Halmos : I always say that authority is a question feeling of legitimacy. When I put a limit on a child, I am infinitely convinced that it is not my fantasy, but that it is essential to live. I sometimes see children arrive in my office with only want to fuck in the air. I tell them "Imagine me, I start ravaging everything in your room. What will you think? I can not do that. Your parents either. You can not do it either. So you sit down, we discuss, and then we'll see if it's better. "And I'm absolutely convinced, when I say that, that I'm doing it for them. Not for my business, not for my office. But just because it's a human law. Because life would not be possible otherwise. Things must make sense, and be explained with conviction, so that they can be understood. We can repeat them a second time if necessary and then it's stop. If the child does not stop, then he is punished. If you never punish a child, how do you want it to stop? If we did not put a ticket, who would stop at the red light?