I was eighteen when I left a difficult family unit: authoritarian father, jealous of my mother, herself submissive and unhappy. I did not understand that she stayed with him. I said, "I would never bear that!" and yet ... I endured! For twenty-six years, I lived with a manipulative man, I lived the moral harassment. A man who forbade me, who controlled, who commanded (like my father). I felt like being his daughter. Moreover, when I went to see my shrink, speaking of him, I said "my father" ... Bitterly revealing. A year ago, I left. I am more fulfilled! But ...
I have a friend for four months and I realize that I think as if I were still with my husband. For example, a few days ago, I had a date with my friend after work and I missed my train. I began to worry: how am I going to tell him? But why did not I leave work earlier? How will he react? Will he get angry? And what if I invented an excuse? I got used to my ex to find, not to argue. Finally, I took my courage in both hands and sent him a message simply saying that I had missed my train. I waited anxiously for his answer and cried with relief and tenderness when he replied "No problem, I'm waiting for you, I love you ..."
Another example: I'm at home he went to do some shopping. I want to sit in the couch with my book, but I do not dare, lest he get angry and tell me that I could do some housework (that's how it was with my husband). So, like a child who makes a mistake, I read on the couch, and I get up very quickly when I hear his car and start to empty the dishwasher. I know that I react as a child. I am ashamed.
Since I left my husband, I am much happier, fulfilled. I find myself and my entourage too, in the sense that I no longer have to pay attention to everything I say, do, or think, permanently ... On the other hand, for the way of working, it is much more anchored. There is a lot of work!